Tuesday, October 5, 2010

takin a look


The above shot was take in July on my walk at Chambers Creek Golf Course... this year I was in love with the wheaty looking grass... I have so many pictures of wheaty looking grass. This golf course if pretty amazing, visually, and for running and walking, oh and I am sure to play golf as well :)


So last night was my first business meeting at my new home group. 12 members showed up, and everyone there seemed to care about the goings on in AA. Had a new guy, he was drunk, he puked on my tires... I came out to smoke, he asked if that was my car, as he pointed to it, I said yes, he said he was very sorry, he had an upset tummy and for me to just get in my car and drive away... not to look lol... WOW so I went to leave and I couldn't NOT look as it was only in my line of vision... a little queasy I drove away...

So I am their greeter this month and chairing the meeting tonight. I feel very out of my comfort zone which I am telling my self that is good for me :)


Work is work, but been having an issue that I needed to work through. It has to do with A HUGE RESENTMENT toward my job, my boss and my lead, and the way things are run.

and so I have been looking at it. I feel justified in my resentment, but still, I KNOW I can not handle it, even with 17yrs of sobriety. And lately this has been popping into my head from pg, 65-66 of the big book, "One thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome, that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore." hmmm not very productive... more like a recipe to go backwards.
When I looked at why all this bugged me and what it effected in me...One major thing it effects with in my is my ambitions to do my job... which in turn gave me a HUGE sign to what my part is in all of this...my attitude has resorted to, why even bother, I am frustrated and I have been short in dealing with people with my job, and I find it very difficult to stay motivated to do my job to the best of my ability.- Once I realized that I became more willing to address this issue with in me, and get to the solution, because I can clearly see how this resentment could potentially ruin some serious things in my life...
Though my intentions are good, as I think they usually are, I am still trying to run the show. So of course I am pissed off when it does NOT go the way I want it to.
How can I come to terms with this? 1. Acceptance, this is the way it is. 2. I ask myself, Can I change anything? I can change my attitude, and actions and stop shooting myself in the foot. I can only do what I can do regarding my job and I got to leave the rest up to God. This always has worked for me. Do the next right thing and leave the results up to God. Now that I have looked at What was bugging me, and why it bugging me, what it effected in my, and what my part is and how I can make the situation better, and that I do a couple of amends, the anxiety and stress I have been feeling about my job has been relieved, and I feel hope and peace again... it works it really does.

1 comment:

Scott M. Frey said...

I love wheat, and wheat-looking grasses as well...

I pray that your resentment leaves you in short order. You know what you need to do and you'll do it when you're ready :-)