Thursday, October 7, 2010


The above shot I took on a sunny day in July at Chambers Creek Golf course. I was playing with reflections. This was marsh reflecting the beautiful blue sky :) This pic makes me happy...oh and more of my wheaty grassy stuff :)

I chaired a meeting at my new home group the other night. It went great. This was my home group when I first moved here from California 16yrs ago. Being all of 18 and 18 months sober at the time, this was a great group for me to get connected with. I was newly sober, and just moved away from my whole support system. The women of this group surrounded me with numbers, love and support. It stayed my home group for 3.5 yrs until I moved too far away. I learned so much about recovery at the Narrows group, service positions, chairing meetings, 1st steps with new comers, birthday nights, traditions, the meeting after the meeting, fellowship... such great memories I have always dropped in from time to time and its a home coming. I am always warmly greeted by this group. Years later now, I am back. I am official there. It feels so good. There were 2 new young women there this Tuesday. I am so grateful to of gotten the opportunity to meet them and exchange numbers with them. One girl almost has a year and she is 21 :) the other has 3 weeks. I am really excited for this new venture.

9 more days and I am getting married. Still so much to do. Oh wow... guess that's normal even when its just eloping... I got my dress. I love it. Have to find shoes. Also Keith has to get his outfit lol ooh guys... sorry but guys suck at this kind of thing.

Anyway lots of work to do thought I would check in and say hi
full of gratitude

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

takin a look

The above shot was take in July on my walk at Chambers Creek Golf Course... this year I was in love with the wheaty looking grass... I have so many pictures of wheaty looking grass. This golf course if pretty amazing, visually, and for running and walking, oh and I am sure to play golf as well :)

So last night was my first business meeting at my new home group. 12 members showed up, and everyone there seemed to care about the goings on in AA. Had a new guy, he was drunk, he puked on my tires... I came out to smoke, he asked if that was my car, as he pointed to it, I said yes, he said he was very sorry, he had an upset tummy and for me to just get in my car and drive away... not to look lol... WOW so I went to leave and I couldn't NOT look as it was only in my line of vision... a little queasy I drove away...

So I am their greeter this month and chairing the meeting tonight. I feel very out of my comfort zone which I am telling my self that is good for me :)

Work is work, but been having an issue that I needed to work through. It has to do with A HUGE RESENTMENT toward my job, my boss and my lead, and the way things are run.

and so I have been looking at it. I feel justified in my resentment, but still, I KNOW I can not handle it, even with 17yrs of sobriety. And lately this has been popping into my head from pg, 65-66 of the big book, "One thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome, that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore." hmmm not very productive... more like a recipe to go backwards.
When I looked at why all this bugged me and what it effected in me...One major thing it effects with in my is my ambitions to do my job... which in turn gave me a HUGE sign to what my part is in all of attitude has resorted to, why even bother, I am frustrated and I have been short in dealing with people with my job, and I find it very difficult to stay motivated to do my job to the best of my ability.- Once I realized that I became more willing to address this issue with in me, and get to the solution, because I can clearly see how this resentment could potentially ruin some serious things in my life...
Though my intentions are good, as I think they usually are, I am still trying to run the show. So of course I am pissed off when it does NOT go the way I want it to.
How can I come to terms with this? 1. Acceptance, this is the way it is. 2. I ask myself, Can I change anything? I can change my attitude, and actions and stop shooting myself in the foot. I can only do what I can do regarding my job and I got to leave the rest up to God. This always has worked for me. Do the next right thing and leave the results up to God. Now that I have looked at What was bugging me, and why it bugging me, what it effected in my, and what my part is and how I can make the situation better, and that I do a couple of amends, the anxiety and stress I have been feeling about my job has been relieved, and I feel hope and peace again... it works it really does.

Monday, October 4, 2010

the above shot was just walkin the beach in Westport and thought the imprint that the rock left was really cool!
So this weekend was great!
Friday, I went shopping with Bayleigh, and future mother in law for my birthday :) Got some great stuff! Then slept in a little Sat. My daughters Volley Ball team played, we lost. We played a select team, but our girl did not give up! I was really proud of them. (our girls are just a rec team, huuuge difference when it comes to competition)
Then Bayleigh and I ran into the mall just to see if we could find my dress for my wedding, and we did! I am so excited and I love it! Bayleigh was sooo awesome, she was like my little say yes to the dress person, tie the bows, fluffing the skirts, giving me her opinions lol We had a great time! I treated her to lunch and we had so much fun!
Later on, one of my girlfriends and I went on a shoe shopping expedition for my dress... 9 stores and 4hrs later we came up empty handed, but we had a blast, laughed a lot. Who would of thought it would be hard to find shoes too??? haha. Came home and Bayleigh, and I had a movie marathon, Nightmare Before Christmas and, Corpse Bride, we popped popcorn, ate red vines, drank cokes lol
Sunday, slept in, went to brunch with Bayleigh and one of my girlfriends at my favorite breakfast place :)
Took Bayleigh to a pet store and we spoiled all of our animals. We literally have a small petting zoo, a dog, cat, rabbit, hamster, and 3 fish, everyone got something :)
Then Keith was home! We just laid around for a bit, watched the Seahawks loose, friends stopped by, and dinner with his parents. It was really nice. We ate, laughed and visited. I am so grateful we all get a long so well. Then to the Follow Up Group. Great meeting on 10th step and home to bed.
I was a very happy and grateful girl this weekend. I am truly blessed
Happy Monday!

Saturday, October 2, 2010


I took the above picture at Goat Creek Trails by Mt Rainier, it was sooo beautiful up there, very wild... we saw cougar tracks

Its Saturday morning, up and adam, or is it atam? I dont know we are up. Bay is getting ready for her game we gotta leave in a few

thought I would check in and post something

Have a wonderful Saturday






Friday, October 1, 2010

Friday :)

Finally Friday is here! I am tryin to stay focused at work today. My attitude has sucked for work, honestly it has... For me, I feel like I need to just keep my head down and work, no, they don't want to hear what I have to say... there is a lot to this statement that I am not going to get into. Bottom line it is not Shannon Co, its the Company I work for. Its not that bad, just I am miffed at a couple of things, that I need to be willing to let go of... so prayer to let go of it...

I know that is really vague lol but it is what it is

I do too much, have struggled with this my whole adult sober life. Need to work on letting go of yet more things... so scary... because I feel so responsible... if I don't do them... who will? OR worse yet I need to ask for help... I am scared if I do on somethings, it will make me look weak, and feel vulnerable, something MY pride and ego can not handle... but I really want to grow in this area so I say EFF U Pride and EGO! EFF U!

OK it is just that kind of a day for me today... I am not perfect, need to let go. Yes something happened that stirred me all up today... as life happens...
This Sunday is my birthday, and I am disappointed because my fiance is going out of town for the Area Assembly... he didn't invite me, and I didn't want to invite myself... lol i am throwing a tantrum (internally only) because its my birthday... a lot of my friends will all be there having fun doing stuff for AA with out me! tssssk tsssk lol I sometimes laugh at myself and my pity parties hahaha

I look at this above picture, I took it at Salmon Beach in Stielacoom WA on a fall day a few years back... such a pretty sunset, and I want one of those things that guy is riding on...

I am grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous. I am grateful to have a loving God in my life. I am grateful to read this, this morning P.U.S.H Pray until something happens

TATA for now and Have a great weekend...

Thursday, September 30, 2010

missed a day

Brrr its very cold in here this morning, I am all bundled up in sweats, hoodie, socks and still cold... could be the iced coffee I am drinkin too...? I don't want to turn up the heater- yet!

I didn't get a chance to post yesterday. I was very frustrated with work, and my lil dog iz, and over tired... I started to type out several little posts, but just felt like I was whining. So I took a day off.

Work is work. I don't like authority still very much ahhaha. I have the type of job where I work independently. I am a good employee, I do what I am supposed to and then some. I don't complain... much lol I never miss days of work unless something (illness/death) is happening. I work under a lead who is very rude and unprofessional. She is a producer of confusion rather than harmony. Over the years working with her, I have learned how to stay out of her hair and on her good side... that is until recently. About 2 months ago, she and I were working on something, and she completely overstepped her bounds, was rude and unprofessional and I let her know in as good of a way as I could. I am not a door mat, to anymore, and she really stepped over a line. Long story short, she did not react well to this at all, so since that day, it has been a daily dealing with her micro managing me. I do not need it. I am a great worker... but it pisses me off..

Not sure how to handle this and it get resolved, tried communicating directly, that has not seemed to work... and now I just have to NOT take it personal, and stay out of my head about it... very challenging with me being an alcoholic and all... and have one of those "itty bitty shitty committees" in my head who loooooove to hash over this kind of negativity

I decided though I do need to figure out a way for me personally to not let it effect me... I will let you know how that goes

I went to my new home group the other night, it was awesome. They did a traditions play. It was soo funny and made so much sense. There were a lot of young new comers there too! I am really looking forward to being a apart of that group again. They used to be my home group when I first moved here to Washington from California, and I moved to another part of town, but every time I would come and visit this group, it was always like a welcoming home :)
I was 18 and 18months sober when I moved here. I love that these people have known me this long, and I have known them.

Well I hope you all have a wonderful day, I am off to run my daughter to school and then back to work...

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Good Morning

Well I am glad it is Tuesday. Yesterday I was really tired and really grumpy during work... uhhh, I was so so tired. All the extra hours, all the packing, moving, unpacking and trying to stay up on the day to day just totally caught up with me and I was just done. It took sooo much energy to NOT say some of the things that I wanted to say to the people that I have to work with lol I am soo soo glad I have developed the act of pausing when agitated, and restraint of tongue, pen, email and text!

So now, I am suckin down my second coffee, Iz is sleeping peacefully in my lap... aaaah it feels like a good day

earlier this morning I was battling some negative thoughts about some people who have not lived up to my expectations ( Thank you Mary Christine) Before I read her blog this morning, my program was kicking in, and I was asking God to save me from being angry, and come to acceptance on these relationships. - then I read her blog and she posted something along the lines of, not judging, or throwing away people because they don't live up to our expectations... sooo rang true for me. :) OK then I will not throw these relationships away... I will just be patient, and loving, and understanding... and let time heal...

Sometimes I feel like, I need to keep people at a safe distance, and that is just to protect myself. Sometimes I feel like, what is the point to friendships???
But I know I have loved the feeling of having close friendships. The feeling of belonging, the feeling of mattering to someone, the feeling of someone else mattering to me- So I take the good with the bad, and just accept people are falible. Yes, sometimes I don't like how when they act NOT the way I want them to... hahahha and sometimes it is Ok to let people go, and sometimes I just need to be patience while others grow, or I need to grow

So I don't know if this blog even makes sense this morning... oh well. I get it

So for today, gonna focus on whats in front of me, work, dinner, home group... tonight is my new home group's traditions play, I am very excited about it!

happy Tuesday

PS Mary Christine thank you for your comment on welcoming me back... lol I have forgotten or blogger has changed, 1, I didn't know I had a comment, 2 when I found it, I accidental deleted it ahahhaha I will get it again :)