Brrr its very cold in here this morning, I am all bundled up in sweats, hoodie, socks and still cold... could be the iced coffee I am drinkin too...? I don't want to turn up the heater- yet!
I didn't get a chance to post yesterday. I was very frustrated with work, and my lil dog iz, and over tired... I started to type out several little posts, but just felt like I was whining. So I took a day off.
Work is work. I don't like authority still very much ahhaha. I have the type of job where I work independently. I am a good employee, I do what I am supposed to and then some. I don't complain... much lol I never miss days of work unless something (illness/death) is happening. I work under a lead who is very rude and unprofessional. She is a producer of confusion rather than harmony. Over the years working with her, I have learned how to stay out of her hair and on her good side... that is until recently. About 2 months ago, she and I were working on something, and she completely overstepped her bounds, was rude and unprofessional and I let her know in as good of a way as I could. I am not a door mat, to anymore, and she really stepped over a line. Long story short, she did not react well to this at all, so since that day, it has been a daily dealing with her micro managing me. I do not need it. I am a great worker... but it pisses me off..
Not sure how to handle this and it get resolved, tried communicating directly, that has not seemed to work... and now I just have to NOT take it personal, and stay out of my head about it... very challenging with me being an alcoholic and all... and have one of those "itty bitty shitty committees" in my head who loooooove to hash over this kind of negativity
I decided though I do need to figure out a way for me personally to not let it effect me... I will let you know how that goes
I went to my new home group the other night, it was awesome. They did a traditions play. It was soo funny and made so much sense. There were a lot of young new comers there too! I am really looking forward to being a apart of that group again. They used to be my home group when I first moved here to Washington from California, and I moved to another part of town, but every time I would come and visit this group, it was always like a welcoming home :)
I was 18 and 18months sober when I moved here. I love that these people have known me this long, and I have known them.
Well I hope you all have a wonderful day, I am off to run my daughter to school and then back to work...
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Good Morning
Well I am glad it is Tuesday. Yesterday I was really tired and really grumpy during work... uhhh, I was so so tired. All the extra hours, all the packing, moving, unpacking and trying to stay up on the day to day just totally caught up with me and I was just done. It took sooo much energy to NOT say some of the things that I wanted to say to the people that I have to work with lol I am soo soo glad I have developed the act of pausing when agitated, and restraint of tongue, pen, email and text!
So now, I am suckin down my second coffee, Iz is sleeping peacefully in my lap... aaaah it feels like a good day
earlier this morning I was battling some negative thoughts about some people who have not lived up to my expectations ( Thank you Mary Christine) Before I read her blog this morning, my program was kicking in, and I was asking God to save me from being angry, and come to acceptance on these relationships. - then I read her blog and she posted something along the lines of, not judging, or throwing away people because they don't live up to our expectations... sooo rang true for me. :) OK then I will not throw these relationships away... I will just be patient, and loving, and understanding... and let time heal...
Sometimes I feel like, I need to keep people at a safe distance, and that is just to protect myself. Sometimes I feel like, what is the point to friendships???
But I know I have loved the feeling of having close friendships. The feeling of belonging, the feeling of mattering to someone, the feeling of someone else mattering to me- So I take the good with the bad, and just accept people are falible. Yes, sometimes I don't like how when they act NOT the way I want them to... hahahha and sometimes it is Ok to let people go, and sometimes I just need to be patience while others grow, or I need to grow
So I don't know if this blog even makes sense this morning... oh well. I get it
So for today, gonna focus on whats in front of me, work, dinner, home group... tonight is my new home group's traditions play, I am very excited about it!
happy Tuesday
PS Mary Christine thank you for your comment on welcoming me back... lol I have forgotten or blogger has changed, 1, I didn't know I had a comment, 2 when I found it, I accidental deleted it ahahhaha I will get it again :)
So now, I am suckin down my second coffee, Iz is sleeping peacefully in my lap... aaaah it feels like a good day
earlier this morning I was battling some negative thoughts about some people who have not lived up to my expectations ( Thank you Mary Christine) Before I read her blog this morning, my program was kicking in, and I was asking God to save me from being angry, and come to acceptance on these relationships. - then I read her blog and she posted something along the lines of, not judging, or throwing away people because they don't live up to our expectations... sooo rang true for me. :) OK then I will not throw these relationships away... I will just be patient, and loving, and understanding... and let time heal...
Sometimes I feel like, I need to keep people at a safe distance, and that is just to protect myself. Sometimes I feel like, what is the point to friendships???
But I know I have loved the feeling of having close friendships. The feeling of belonging, the feeling of mattering to someone, the feeling of someone else mattering to me- So I take the good with the bad, and just accept people are falible. Yes, sometimes I don't like how when they act NOT the way I want them to... hahahha and sometimes it is Ok to let people go, and sometimes I just need to be patience while others grow, or I need to grow
So I don't know if this blog even makes sense this morning... oh well. I get it
So for today, gonna focus on whats in front of me, work, dinner, home group... tonight is my new home group's traditions play, I am very excited about it!
happy Tuesday
PS Mary Christine thank you for your comment on welcoming me back... lol I have forgotten or blogger has changed, 1, I didn't know I had a comment, 2 when I found it, I accidental deleted it ahahhaha I will get it again :)
Monday, September 27, 2010
Monday Morning
Monday morning and things should be getting back to normal now. The move is over, for the most part. I have to go back and grab my Kirby vacuum. I had to leave it yesterday because it wouldn't fit in my, or Keith's car. I got the kitchen, living room and my office stuff unpacked, my bedroom is a nightmare... oh well the joys of moving.
Last night went to F.U.G, it was birthday night, and it was one of the best ones I have been to in quite awhile. So much gratitude, and I made me reflect on the past years of my recovery, and all the people who have come in and out of it. It has been quite a ride, good, bad, up, down, inside out and center again, several times.
Tonight, I have the whole volley ball team to myself, we are going to FP to watch the high schools play, then back to our school and get our practice on. Gonna have them work on serving, and setting up for bump, pass, SPIKE! then Kay will be there half way through and help them get blocking down. Its our forth year together, but all our girls have only done the recreational, and girls we play this year have done that and school volley ball... so we shall see.
well I better get back to work now Happy Monday
Last night went to F.U.G, it was birthday night, and it was one of the best ones I have been to in quite awhile. So much gratitude, and I made me reflect on the past years of my recovery, and all the people who have come in and out of it. It has been quite a ride, good, bad, up, down, inside out and center again, several times.
Tonight, I have the whole volley ball team to myself, we are going to FP to watch the high schools play, then back to our school and get our practice on. Gonna have them work on serving, and setting up for bump, pass, SPIKE! then Kay will be there half way through and help them get blocking down. Its our forth year together, but all our girls have only done the recreational, and girls we play this year have done that and school volley ball... so we shall see.
well I better get back to work now Happy Monday
Thursday, September 23, 2010
easing into things again
I got a lot of phone calls this morning from some of my girlfriends and it was really nice. Life is life and we all get busy and it can pull us different directions, which it has for all of us. Its nice to have conversations and NO drama like, Why havent you called me? Its nice to just pick up where you left off.
Work is work, and my time card thing is irritating me to death, my new email is too, amoung other things... but I repeat many times each day, I am grateful to have a job I am grateful to have a job I am grateful to have a job.
My daughter's jazz band is going so well her band teacher wants her to learn a new instrument. She wants to too! I am so proud of her! She has really grown and matured a lot in the last year. I am especially grateful she is NOT doing the things I was doing when I was her age. You do not get to be sober 17yrs at 34 yrs old by being a good kid at 12. Oh no I was a wild child to the extreme. She is a great kid. Annd check this out, she appreciates me too... WOW she tells me things like, Mom, I am so glad you are my mom. I am lucky to have a mom like you. I am so lucky to have a mom who cares about me... those words make me feel indescribably happy!
One more day and I am out of this little apartment. YAY. So glad. really, apartment living is NOT for me. Not because I am a snob... or maybe I am - but my point is, I have not lived in an apartment for over 10 years, it has been a shock to! Inconsiderate neighbors, loud, banging, no parking, people leaving trash right next to the dumpster, just to name a few .... oh wow
So by this time tomorrow I will be unpacking and getting settled in.
OK Break should be over back at it now
Work is work, and my time card thing is irritating me to death, my new email is too, amoung other things... but I repeat many times each day, I am grateful to have a job I am grateful to have a job I am grateful to have a job.
My daughter's jazz band is going so well her band teacher wants her to learn a new instrument. She wants to too! I am so proud of her! She has really grown and matured a lot in the last year. I am especially grateful she is NOT doing the things I was doing when I was her age. You do not get to be sober 17yrs at 34 yrs old by being a good kid at 12. Oh no I was a wild child to the extreme. She is a great kid. Annd check this out, she appreciates me too... WOW she tells me things like, Mom, I am so glad you are my mom. I am lucky to have a mom like you. I am so lucky to have a mom who cares about me... those words make me feel indescribably happy!
One more day and I am out of this little apartment. YAY. So glad. really, apartment living is NOT for me. Not because I am a snob... or maybe I am - but my point is, I have not lived in an apartment for over 10 years, it has been a shock to! Inconsiderate neighbors, loud, banging, no parking, people leaving trash right next to the dumpster, just to name a few .... oh wow
So by this time tomorrow I will be unpacking and getting settled in.
OK Break should be over back at it now
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Today is gonna be sunny, which is nice considering that I live in a state where the weather is very bi-polar. I am and should be working, aaah will get back to that in a moment. I am starting my blogging journey out again. I had one for 5 years with followers and I followed people, but then started feeling like I wasn’t part of the “in” blog crowd… is there such thing as one? Well to me there was and I was not part of it and it irritated me. So I deleted my old blog in a huff, with years of writing and photos… siiggghs oh well live and learn.
I'm up to my eye balls in moving. I am moving my daughter, my dog, cat, hamster and fish into my fiance’s house… or “Our” house. I need to get into the habit of calling it our house. He really wants us to feel like it is our house. So We are all moving into our house Friday.
I am also planning our wedding. We are getting married in Las Vegas Nevada October 16th 2010. I am so ready, and happy. We both are! We have been through some ups and downs, and feel like we have worked through a lot of the crap, and crap is just what it was, things like, fear, resentment, fear… a lot of fear. We are both in recovery. I have 17yrs and he has almost 5. I am 33 almost 34 and he is 32. Don’t know why ages matter or whatever, just painting a picture I guess. My daughter is 12 almost 13, wow and becoming such a beautiful, responsible, mature young woman. I am so proud of her.
So, I am sitting in my almost empty apartment, supposed to be working. My little dog Iz is sitting on my lap, not enough coffee in me yet to get motivated to actually be production, though
I have a lot going on. I am also changing homegroups, for a number of reasons, but I am only going to say I need a change, which is explanation enough and true. I am also looking for a new sponsor, which again same reason, ready for a change.
I am looking forward as I start this new chapter in my life. Built on recovery, faith, love, friendship, honesty and living life on lifes terms. Not that I haven’t been doing that already, there has just been a lot of changes in my life. From, friends, homegroups, sponsor, softball teams, to deep personal changes, in the way I see things… I am a lot more clear these days and so grateful.
Went through a tough time for a while and was kinda floundering out there… I am glad I am through all that.
OK so here is day one of blogging. Maybe tomorrow will be more interesting
Back to work now
I'm up to my eye balls in moving. I am moving my daughter, my dog, cat, hamster and fish into my fiance’s house… or “Our” house. I need to get into the habit of calling it our house. He really wants us to feel like it is our house. So We are all moving into our house Friday.
I am also planning our wedding. We are getting married in Las Vegas Nevada October 16th 2010. I am so ready, and happy. We both are! We have been through some ups and downs, and feel like we have worked through a lot of the crap, and crap is just what it was, things like, fear, resentment, fear… a lot of fear. We are both in recovery. I have 17yrs and he has almost 5. I am 33 almost 34 and he is 32. Don’t know why ages matter or whatever, just painting a picture I guess. My daughter is 12 almost 13, wow and becoming such a beautiful, responsible, mature young woman. I am so proud of her.
So, I am sitting in my almost empty apartment, supposed to be working. My little dog Iz is sitting on my lap, not enough coffee in me yet to get motivated to actually be production, though
I have a lot going on. I am also changing homegroups, for a number of reasons, but I am only going to say I need a change, which is explanation enough and true. I am also looking for a new sponsor, which again same reason, ready for a change.
I am looking forward as I start this new chapter in my life. Built on recovery, faith, love, friendship, honesty and living life on lifes terms. Not that I haven’t been doing that already, there has just been a lot of changes in my life. From, friends, homegroups, sponsor, softball teams, to deep personal changes, in the way I see things… I am a lot more clear these days and so grateful.
Went through a tough time for a while and was kinda floundering out there… I am glad I am through all that.
OK so here is day one of blogging. Maybe tomorrow will be more interesting
Back to work now
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